My first well-remembered intentional use of the double bind occurred in early boyhood.
One winter day, with the weather below zero, my father led a calf out of the barn to the water trough. After the calf had satisfied its thirst, they turned back to the barn, but at the doorway the calf stubbornly braced its feet, and despite my father’s desperate pulling on the halter, he could not budge the animal.
I was outside playing in the snow and, observing the impasse, began laughing heartily. My father challenged me to pull the calf into the barn.
Recognizing the situation as one of unreasoning stubborn resistance on the part of the calf, I decided to let the calf have full opportunity to resist, since that was what it apparently wished to do. Accordingly I presented the calf with a double bind by seizing it by the tail and pulling it away from the barn, while my father continued to pull it inward.
The calf promptly chose to resist the weaker of the two forces and dragged me into the barn.
Autor: The Storyteller
Many years ago in the hills of Patagonia there was a village. Its inhabitants were starving. They lived in fear of a dragon that they had seen in their fields and they would not go to harvest their crops. One day a traveler came to the village and asked for food. They explained that there was none because they were afraid of the dragon. The traveler was brave and offered to slay the dragon. When he arrived at the fields he couldn’t see a dragon, only a large watermelon. So he returned to the village and said, “You have nothing to fear; there is no dragon, only a large watermelon.” The villagers were angry at his refusal to understand their fear and hacked the traveler to pieces. Some weeks later another traveler came to the village. Again, when he asked for food he was told about the dragon. He too was brave and offered to kill the dragon. The villagers were relieved and delighted. When he arrived at the fields he also saw the giant watermelon and returned to the village to tell the villagers that they were mistaken about the dragon—they need have no fear of a giant watermelon. They hacked him to pieces. More time passed and the villagers were becoming desperate. One day a third traveler appeared. He could see how desperate they were and asked what the problem was. They told him and he promised he would slay the dragon so that they could go to the fields to harvest their crops. When he got to the field he too saw the giant watermelon. He reflected for a moment, then he drew his sword, leaped into the field, and hacked the watermelon to pieces. He returned to the villagers and told them he had killed their dragon. They were overjoyed. The traveler stayed in the village for many months, long enough to teach the villagers the difference between dragons and watermelons.
Two children are fighting over an orange.
The mother takes on the role of a judge. She splits the orange in half and gives one half to each child. Both children start crying.
Now, the mother takes on the role of a mediator and asks each child why they wanted the orange. It turns out that one child wants to make orange juice and the other child needs the orange peel in order to make a cake.
Now the mother realizes that a solution could be found only by considering what satisfies each party.
There were once two seeds living in a soil bed who both had the potential to grow into beautiful flowers. One day the first seed said to his friend, “I am going to push through this earth and grow into the most beautiful flower that I can be. Many people will be able to enjoy my beauty, and I will be happy to know that I have made a difference in this world.” The second seed thought about what his friend had said and then replied, “Well, don’t you know how hard of a struggle it will be to push through the dirt to get to the surface? And once you enter the world the sun is very hot and will scorch you. The rain will fall hard upon you too. No, I think it is much better to stay here and be safe.”
The first seed decided that the risk to enter the world was worth the struggle. So he pushed hard to reach the surface. And while it took some time, and wasn’t easy, he eventually broke through and discovered the sunlight. The sun was certainly hot at times and the rain pounded down upon him as well. But the sun and rain also helped him to eventually become the beautiful flower that he was destined to be. Many people admired his beauty and he smiled brightly on the outside and the inside too knowing that he was making a difference in the world.
The second seed, however, stayed safely in the ground content to remain beneath the surface for fear of the struggle and pain that he had imagined. Suddenly, a hungry bird landed on the ground. He dug beneath the soil, discovered the seed lying within the ground, and ate him for lunch.
It goes without saying that those of us who fail to risk and grow get ‘swallowed’ up by life… .
As you watch a plant grow, it would start from just a stem and growing leaves as it gets older. It doesn’t know what flower it will be all at once, but all the information for the plant is in the seed, so the plant will always know what to do, but only one leaf at a time.
What do we have here?
Two computers who won’t talk to each other, yet they are side by side. 2 1/2 inches separate them. One has a file that is needed by the other, but ne’er the twain shall meet, right?
If it wasn’t for the fact that one file needs to pass from one to the other, it wouldn’t even matter just where they are in time in space – what links them, and makes that distance appear, is a common task that requires both to communicate.
But hey! There’s help at hand. Both are connected to the Internet. So we can send our file to the third party server. Which lives in California, on this occasion, and happens to be 5456 miles (8781 km) (4741 nautical miles) from where the two computers are sitting near London, 2 1/2 inches apart from each other.
So the file travels 5456 miles (8781 km) (4741 nautical miles) as one computer uploads it to the server, and then 5456 miles (8781 km) (4741 nautical miles) back again as the second computer downloads it from the third party location.
Now, the task has been accomplished; the journey is at an end.
And the moral of the tail?
In this case, the shortest distance between two points which were 2 1/2 inches apart, turned out to be 10,912 MILES.
And that is either a useful neurological NLP metaphor, or just simply, the story of my life …
It is said that if you put a frog in cold water and gradually heat the water the frog will stay in the container and boiled to death. If you put a frog into hot water straight away it will jump straight out. The reason given is that the frog cannot detect the slow change in the temperature. (I’ve never tested this.)
If you take a few minutes right now to look at some aspects of your life, relationship, health, finances are there situations that have taken you over so slowly that you haven’t noticed the process. If you had no personal history and had the shock of suddenly arriving in the life you now lead what are the situations you are in that you would welcome and what are the ones you would jump away from.
The carpenter, who has always had a great reputation, decides to retire. Boss asks him to build one more house. Reluctantly, he does.
Heart not in it, does sloppy job cos he wants to finish. Goes to boss, I’m done! Great. Let’s go see the house. They do. Boss says, „To thank you for all these years of great work, we’d like to give you this house. Here are the keys“. i.e. always do your best.
A woman goes to see the Doctor, lifts up her right arm and says, „Every time I do that it hurts“. The Doctor replies „So don’t do it then“ (Tommy Cooper)
He had finally achieved all his goals, not surprising, he had devoted almost all his time to them.
He had the job and the income he wanted, the level of fitness he desired and an apartment in the best part of town.
It had all been worthtwhile, the personal sacrifices, the postponement of pleasure. At last he could look forward to enjoying life.
He was so busy looking forward he did not see the truck that hit him from behind.