Before we begin, I\u2019d like to tell you a story because stories are wonderful for teaching, and wonderful for learning. In fact, research has shown that people learn 25% more when they relax before learning. And when I was growing up, my uncle used to tell me stories all the time, down by the sea, where the wind and the salt water would sometimes get in your eyes and make you blink. And blink again with the freshness and new feeling. Now he felt that stories were at the heart of communication, and he said that his grandfather told him the same stories. And his grandfather would always begin a story by saying, \u201cLet your eyes grow sleepy now as you listen to this story that comes to us from a far off place now.\u201d
\nAnd to really understand this story, you might want to really imagine it and the best way to do that is to just step into the relaxed feeling of letting your mind really flow with the story. So as you really enjoy that feeling, you might like to take the chance to relax even more so you can let your unconscious imagine the story really well and let yourself remember it at an even deeper level.
\nYou know the story of Cinderella, don\u2019t you. How it came to be that the Prince found Cinderella by placing the glass slipper on the foot of every woman in the city. And they lived happily ever after.
\nOr did they live happily ever after?
\nThey got married in the winter, you know, and those first couple of months were wonderful as they gazed into each others eyes, listened to beautiful music together, held hands on their long walks, and talked late into the night.
\nWhen Spring came, they were discussing what to do for on one of the few free evenings that they didn\u2019t have an official royal function.
\nSo on this free night, the Prince said: \u201cCinderella, let\u2019s go out to meet everyone and have some drinks under the cherry blossoms. There\u2019ll be a great atmosphere down there tonight.\u201d Later we\u2019ll go dancing at the Undecided Fairy club and we\u2019ll have a real ball.\u201d
\n\u201cReally?,\u201d said Cinderella, doubtfully. \u201cActually, I was just hoping that we could just sit in and read this evening. I\u2019m feeling a little tired. We could take a walk through the blossoms tomorrow \u2013 just the two of us. It\u2019ll be lovely and peaceful then.\u201d
\n\u201cHey, we\u2019re going to have a great time,\u201d he said. Come on, Cindy. What you really need is a good night out to energize you.\u201d
\nAnd they just couldn\u2019t seem to agree. So they had an argument, their first if the truth be told, and the truth is always told in fairy tales.
\nSpring drew to a close and the weather became warmer and warmer. And by summer, things were again fine between the loving couple. The weather was just glorious, so the King asked the Prince and Princess to host a great beach party for all the children of the country.
\n\u201cOh great\u201d, said Cinderella. \u201cWe\u2019ll have to order lots of buckets and spades. Let\u2019s get the order in today to make sure that they arrive in plenty of time. And transportation \u2013 we\u2019ll hire a team of buses to get them all down to the beach. Hmm, one last thing \u2013 oh yes, the weather. Can you talk to your fairy godmother and arrange some sun for the day?\u201d
\n\u201cWait a minute, Cindy. Not so quick. This is a really interesting opportunity. Let\u2019s think about all the possibilities for a while.\u201d
\nThey talked for a couple of minutes and Cinderella began to get hot and bothered. \u201cWhy can\u2019t he just make a simple decision? We have to act now. It\u2019s so simple and we just need to get to the point. Obviously, we just arrange some simple buckets and spades and set up a sandcastle building contest\u201d
\nMeanwhile, the Prince was thinking, \u201cwhy oh why can\u2019t she see the big picture? This is such a wonderful opportunity for development for these children. There are so many possibilities and we really need to think through each one before we reach a decision.\u201d
\nWithin just a few minutes, they were screaming at each other, and then shouting all sorts of silly stuff that they had kept bottled up inside.
\nIn early Autumn, they had again forgiven each other, but they didn\u2019t quite understand the other\u2019s point of view. It was worrying both of them quite a bit, especially now that they were trying to make an important decision together: choosing the location for the new palace. The real estate agent took them off to see the location and explained all the great features. The Prince was really impressed. It was on a great hill with a fine view. The rock was solid enough to be a strong foundation and there was no history of earthquakes in the area. They wandered around the site and the Prince was delighted. But Cinderella didn\u2019t look quite so happy. Finally, she said, \u201cyes, I know that it\u2019s a very logical choice. Everything seems right, but it just doesn\u2019t feel right.\u201d
\n\u201cDoesn\u2019t feel right?! Here we are making the biggest purchase of our lives and you\u2019re just worried about your feelings.\u201d
\n\u201cExactly,\u201d said Cinderella angrily. \u201cWe\u2019re going to live here, so it has to feel exactly right.\u201d
\n\u201cIt will feel right\u201d, said the Prince. \u201cBecause all the right features are here. Just look around you and use your head.\u201d
\nSo they had their third argument, the biggest one yet.
\nBut they didn\u2019t quite understand how the other person was thinking. Everyone has arguments, but these seemed to go right to important issues that they needed to sort out.
\nWhen winter came to the land, they decided to plan their honeymoon. They had been so busy with royal duties and the wedding and officially opening statues of glass slippers that they hadn\u2019t had time to go on a honeymoon.
\n\u201cWhere shall we go?\u201d, asked the Prince cautiously. He was being careful tonight after all the arguments. He was going to let Cinderella have her way as much as possible. After all, she was the woman and the honeymoon would be more important to her.
\n\u201cOh, I don\u2019t know\u201d, answered Cinderella. How about just taking a couple of horses out and heading down south for a couple of weeks?
\n\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d This is our honeymoon!,\u201d stuttered the prince. We\u2019ll have to book the hotels and arrange for the carriages and notify all the towns in advance so that the people can come out to wave at us.\u201d
\n\u201cWe don\u2019t need to worry about any of that stuff. Let\u2019s just go with the flow. I don\u2019t like to plan too much. It just gets in the way of having fun.\u201d
\n\u201cGets in the way of having fun?! How can we possibly have fun if we don\u2019t know what we\u2019re going to be doing?\u201d
\nOh dear, yet another argument.
\nThey say that you shouldn\u2019t allow any communication strain in a relationship last more than a week without addressing, so they decided to call on the Wizard, a great counselor who could surely help them to save their marriage. After all, it would be embarrassing if they had to get a divorce after the fairy story books had already been written.
\nSo off they went to the wizard\u2019s den where the wizard asked them to tell him about the problems between them.
\nThe Prince said: \u201cWizard, we need your help. She is just incomprehensible. Take out your wand. We need to change her into a normal person.\u201d
\n\u201cWhat\u201d, cried Cinderella. \u201cYou want to change me. I\u2019m the one who\u2019s normal. You\u2019re the crazy one. Wizard, get out your wand and change this man into something that I can understand, a frog, for example. \u201d
\n\u201cOh dear,\u201d said the wizard. \u201cI see that you two really do have some problems understanding each other.
\nAnd then he said something really strange, so out of the blue that it made them really curious about what he was trying to communicate.
\n***
\nBecause communication can be strange sometimes, can\u2019t it? Sometimes, we have real difficulty in understanding someone\u2019s else view of the world.
\nFor example, I read a funny story about teaching the other day.
\nThere was a rather eccentric lecturer named John Moffit. John was known for his strong view about the role of the teacher. One of the other lecturers arrived at work on this particular morning and passed by the main lecture theatre on the way to his class. He happened to glance in, and saw John Moffit giving a most rousing lecture from the front of the room. John was gesturing enthusiastically, and eagerly writing on the board. But when the other lecturer looked around the lecture theatre, it was totally empty. A little concerned about John\u2019s sanity, he decided to raise the matter gently at morning tea later on.
\n\u201cJohn,\u201d he observed \u201cI saw you teaching over in the lecture theatre this morning.\u201d
\n\u201cYeeees.\u201d John replied with a wide smile.
\n\u201cBut John, I must say I noticed that there didn\u2019t seem to be any students there.\u201d
\n\u201cYes, thet\u2019s right. No-one turned up this morning.\u201d
\n\u201cAnd I noticed,\u201d the other man continued, \u201cthat you were still teaching.\u201d He waited hoping for some simple explanation.
\nSure enough, John replied \u201cYes, thet\u2019s right. Well, they pay me to teach, and that\u2019s what I was doing!\u201d
\n\u201cIt was at this moment\u201d, the other lecturer told me, \u201cthat you realize that teaching and learning are two separate things\u201d.
\nAnd you realize that people\u2019s attitudes to teaching and indeed their attitudes to the whole world are completely different. And that\u2019s where Metaprograms come in. Because you\u2019ll also notice when you look at people that some people are different in the same way. In other words, their differences show certain patterns. And these same differences are metaprograms, and I think they are very useful for thinking about teaching and learning, and in fact in all types of communication. You can think of metaprograms as strategies that we use to put our values into action. Because when we are trying to communicate, we are trying to open up communication channels, to engage in communication, not necessarily trying to persuade or accept another person\u2019s values.
\n***
\nSo the wizard said to Cinderella and the Prince: \u201cI see that you two really do have some problems understanding each other.
\nAnd then he said something really strange, so out of the blue that it made them really curious about what he was trying to communicate.
\nAlright, both of you, please take off your shoes.\u201d
\n\u201cOur shoes?!\u201d
\n\u201cYes, yes, quickly take off your shoes.\u201d
\nLooking very confused, the Prince took off his great big black size 11 hunting boots and Cinderella took off her beautiful, dainty size 5 glass slippers.
\n\u201cNow,\u201d said the wizard. \u201cPut on each others shoes.\u201d
\n\u201cWhat?\u201d, said both of them together.
\n\u201cThey\u2019re too big and horrible,\u201d shouted Cinderella just as the Prince was shouting, \u201cthey\u2019re much too small and dainty.\u201d
\n\u201cQuiet, both of you,\u201d said the wizard sharply, \u201cor I really will use my wand and change you both into pumpkins and eat you for my supper.\u201d
\nSo the Prince and Cinderella looked at each other worriedly and quickly put on each others shoes.
\n\u201cNow,\u201d said the wizard. \u201cWalk around the large courtyard past the fountain and don\u2019t even dream of coming back before you have finished.\u201d
\nSo the Prince got up and promptly fell over as his huge size 11 feet slipped out of the dainty glass slippers. And Cinderella landed down on the ground next to him as her tiny size 5 feet got lost in his big black size 11 hunting boots.
\n\u201cUp, up, and out of my sight,\u201d shouted the wizard, waving his wand and shouting out a strange incantation: \u201cTea-a-me-Ton-a-me, Got-a-be, Song\u201d.
\nSeeing and hearing this, the Prince and Princess scurried out of the wizard\u2019s den, half crawling, half walking, fully annoyed at the crazy old man.
\n\u201cHe\u2019s mad, you know,\u201d said the Prince. \u201cWe should never have gone to him. He\u2019s gone and cast some crazy spell on us. I should have listened to my friends. They said he\u2019s completely flipped since the territory war with the Fairy Godmother.\u201d
\n\u201cOh shut up and leave her out of it.\u201d said Cinderella. \u201cLet\u2019s get this over with. How on earth do you walk in these things? They are so ungainly. I never knew that you had such big feet. You must trip over yourself all the time.\u201d
\n\u201cTrip up? What are you talking about? I\u2019m Prince Charming, you know. You didn\u2019t notice me tripping up when we were dancing at the ball, did you?\u201d
\n\u201cWell no, I guess not,\u201d said Cinderella.
\n\u201cAnd how do you get around in these tiny things? They\u2019re made of glass, you know. Aren\u2019t you afraid of breaking them?\u201d
\n\u201cOf course not. They\u2019re absolutely perfect for me. Just you be careful with them.\u201d
\n\u201cI am being careful, really careful\u201d, said the Prince. \u201cIt\u2019s funny. They seemed so odd to walk in at first, but it is becoming a little easier now.\u201d
\n\u201cYes, you\u2019re right\u201d, answered Cinderella. It is funny that these boots aren\u2019t quite as bad as they were before. With a couple of weeks of Sunday newspaper supplements stuffed in the toes, I could probably wear them comfortably enough. But of course, I wouldn\u2019t want to.\u201d
\n\u201cNo. That would be silly,\u201d said the Prince, \u201cbut I do know how you can like these slippers. They are awfully pretty and they suit you.\u201d
\nAnd as the couple walked around the courtyard, they talked more freely than they had done in months. It felt like they were actually communicating again and they even started to laugh at their own predicament.
\nAnd by the time, they came back around past the fountain, they were hobbling along hand in hand, laughing and giggling like two little garden gnomes.
\n\u201cHey wizard, we\u2019re back\u201d, called out the Prince when they turned the corner and saw him waiting at the door of his den, a peaceful look upon his old face.
\nThe wizard gestured to them to sit down and poured them some tea.
\n\u201cSo you two seem to be getting on a little better.\u201d
\n\u201cYes, what was that spell that you cast on us when we left?\u201d, asked Cinderella. \u201cIt must have been very powerful to work so quickly.\u201d
\n\u201cSpell?\u201d, asked the wizard. \u201cI didn\u2019t cast any spell on you. I just cast a spell to boil water for the tea. I can\u2019t use my wand to bring you two back together. That would be a breach of ethics and the Merlin league would throw me out right away.\u201d
\n\u201cSo what did you do,\u201d asked Cinderella.
\nThe wizard laughed and answered, \u201cI just wanted you to remember the old saying: \u2018You\u2019ll never really understand someone until you walk in their shoes for a mile.\u201d
\nThe couple looked at each other in confusion while the wizard continued: \u201cYou two, more than anyone else in the country should have realized that. Cinderella, don\u2019t you remember that your shoes were created by magic. They were created just for you. And my noble Prince, I thought you would have remembered how everyone has different feet. How many ladies did you try to put that same glass slipper onto?
\n\u201cOh hundreds and hundreds,\u201danswered the Prince, \u201cbut Cinderella is unique. She\u2019s completely unique. That\u2019s why I love her so much.\u201d
\n\u201cAnd you\u2019re unique, too, my great bigfooted Prince. How many other guys would have been so patient? You\u2019re completely crazy, but I love you so much.\u201d
\nAnd so the wizard showed them how they could understand each other and experience the world in a different way by wearing different shoes.
\nAnd just before they went off to live happily ever after, the Prince turned back and said to the wizard, \u201cthank you so much wizard, you really do have powerful magic\u201d.
\n\u201cOf course I have magic,\u201d snorted the wizard. \u201cWe all have magic in every word that we say. But everyone responds to that magic in their own unique way. You can be a wizard. Just learn the structure of magic.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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